He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I believe in your delicious
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
