at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.