No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
