i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
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i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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