The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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