I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had sex on a roof
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
