Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
