dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
