Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
