What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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