Im at strip club and am horny
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
