Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
