i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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