Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
