Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
