i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
