trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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