If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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