No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
