She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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