Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
