how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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