I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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