can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
