So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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