She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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