$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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