I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
