I showed him my bush... on skype.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize