God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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