How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
