Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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