Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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