Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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