i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
