Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
