i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
