btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
