We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
