How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
