Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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