Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
why is half of my head shaved?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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