every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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