i think my mom watched the whole time
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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