I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
