Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
