My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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