He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
