Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
