I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
