My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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