I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
