She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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