Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
