I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
