My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
