woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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