hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
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I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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