If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
