How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
