I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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