Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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