elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
