He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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