Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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