we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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