Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
